This means, he came to believe that if he could just repair Her, he might feel happier and at ease.
As a kid, this was an automatic and reflexive defense he acquired, to get what he needed, and save himself from further distress.
If Waifs engage therapeutic support, it's typically in the midst of a severe crisis.
Given they're inherently resistant to change and growth (which threatens their precarious sense of control) their progress in therapy tends to be very slow, and there are frequent setbacks and regressions.
Since 'helplessness' is the Waif's core emotional theme, options and choices that are healthier or more productive, are generally avoided.
Perhaps your lover is continuously struggling with some sort of drama or challenge, and you've repeatedly offered sound suggestions and tried to help--but to no avail.
Vanity, plus stringent dieting, purging and other methods of weight control kept these people svelte during their younger years when professional opportunities were more plentiful, but they've ultimately given-in to their compulsions, and let themselves go.
Certain common denominators are present in individuals who attach to BPD Waifs.As difficult as this is to fathom, when you throw a life preserver to a Waif, she ignores/disregards it (throws it back), or resents the gesture.Don't assume this borderline is always physically thin/slender.The Borderline Waif mother typically scapegoats her children for their father's rage and abuse, rather than boldly intervening and protecting them from it, or taking her kids away to safety~ yet she may have held the flame that ignited his anger! Did he return home to a nagging, discontent or depressed wife after slaying dragons and putting out fires all day at work?Could you have grown up with a distorted/skewed sense of who was actually the more problematic parent?In essence, any feeling that is Anyone who has grown up with a BPD waif-type mother has observed a pitiful, long-suffering woman who won't leave her harsh, abusive or neglectful husband, no matter how bitterly she complains about him. Because pain is enlivening for her~ and without it she feels dead inside.