"I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin? " The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. " and drove away." Hooker As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison? He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Be strong and I love you." After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. In the farm house there were three burlap sacks sitting around. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!
"I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin." Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence... He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed. " Blonde There were these three women who escaped from prison. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farm house.
He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. I would have gotten out today." Last Request The Jail Warden asks the death row inmate what he would like as his last meal. Warden says 'but strawberries are out of season' for 6 months.
Twenty Years Ago A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16? " "Yes, I remember." "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail? He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...
As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. ", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!
The Juggler A circus performer was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. They bring out the American and stand him in front of the pole. " the officer said "Oh, its just a stupid cat in there." So he kicks the one with the other brunet in it and she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!
O and o Two guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. I pointed to the small circle and told them, "This is your asshole before prison...." Prison or Work When you think about the differences betweenwork and prison, maybe prison isn't so bad... You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.
I don't have a drug problem, I have a police problem.
Drug dealers are always late, if your drug dealer is on time, its the police. " "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people?
That way, when the police pulls me over, I don't have to worry. I'll see you back in court Monday." Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, "How did you do over the weekend?
Cellery What's an inmates favorite place to hangout?
Steal n cement A prisoner was released from jail, he shouted "Yay I'm free I'm free! " How many prison guards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Female Sheriff Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night.