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Be honest, ASSHOLE, just this once: Is the destruction of your wife a bug or is it a feature? Because cheating on this scale isn't about succumbing to temptation or reacting to neglect.

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At best, you broke into (or slowed to) a trot, which allowed each one of these lady predators to overtake you. You weren't hit by a pussy meteor every time you left the house. Seeing as you're a reader, ASSHOLE, I suspect you knew an honest open relationship was an option—that ethical nonmonogamy was an option—but you didn't pursue that. Maybe because you don't want to be with a woman who is free to sit on other dicks.

The first step toward holding yourself accountable for your appalling actions—a close friend of your wife? Or maybe the wrongness and the self-loathing—the whole bad-boy-on-the-rack routine—turn you on.

Not one-night-stand scenarios, but longer-term connections. These have included what turned into a one-year affair with a single woman, a three-year affair with a close friend of my wife, a seven-month affair with a married coworker, and now a fairly serious four-months-and-counting relationship with a woman who approached me on Instagram. I love her, we get along great, and the sex is good—if I wasn't such a lying piece of shit, you could even say we make a pretty good team.

Instead, women who knew I was in an "exclusive" relationship have approached me.

Or maybe you're the wrong kind of sadist: the un-self-aware emotional sadist.

You say you love your wife, but you also say she'd be crushed—destroyed—if she discovered what you've been doing.

And you can find a guy who wants an open and egalitarian relationship, which is what you deserve.

Why not bring your talents and skills to the Human Rights Campaign?

Which means it's both ultimatum and bluff-calling time.

So long as your husband thinks he can dictate terms by pointing to his triggers and his trauma, GMHC, he has every incentive to continue being triggered and traumatized.

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